im so scared

i honestly dont know what to do anymore. id rather die than be forced to go to conversion therapy. all my friends are in the same damn spot as me. everytime i try to tell my family how scared i am about getting my rights taken away they just tell me im wrong and to shut up. im so sick of this. i just wanted to graduate high school and marry my girlfriend, but I don't even know if I can do that anymore. I literally have no support left. I don't want to do it. I have pets I meed to take care of. I have weddings I should be there for and aging grandparents I want to help, but I don't know anymore. I'm scared. I'm scared to die, but I'm even more scared of what will happen to me in this stupid country. I know I'm not supposed to die this young. I know I shouldn't. I don't even kmow how I would, but I'm just so scared and confused. I want to stay, but it's starting to feel like that isn't an option anymore. I've tried contacting hotlines, but I pussy out every time. I don't even know why. I just don't want the police to show up at my house. I don't want my mom to feel bad knowing I'm in this spot. I'm just so lost.