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Madison Howard

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TemporaryTater

2025-03-02 11:30:44

I’m an older undergrad with a crush on my GSI—looking for serious advice ;(

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These come up every year and I'm pretty sure it's a copypasta, but here we go:

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I get the need for professionalism, and I fully respect that. But being an undergrad or a PhD student isn’t a permanent identity, and people in universities form connections across different academic levels all the time. A university isn’t a traditional workplace—students and grad students meet and date constantly. Having feelings for someone isn’t harassment, and I’ve made it clear I’m not acting on anything while the class is ongoing. If there’s an actual policy against it, I’ll respect that, but saying it’s always inappropriate, no matter the context, feels like an oversimplification.

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After the semester is over. Invite him to coffee. Nature takes its course. If he is an ethical person, his professional boundaries while he is your GSI are a display of respect for you and the potential of knowing you in the future. After the semester is over, he may want to ask you to coffee, but he will keep professional boundaries out of respect for you and his career. If you reach out to him, it clears the issue. Give it space to be a friendship and/or be open to his advances. Give it 3 to 5 or more friendly meetings to let him get over the idea that you are his student. If you both want this, it will happen. Regardless you will develop a new friend. People who make us smile are good to know and spend time with so you have so much to gain from making a new friend and so does he.

1740963866
Thanks for your insight :) I guess what I’m asking is are there any signs I should look out for in the meantime that he’s interested too? Or is this just going to stay ambiguous until I most likely ask at the end of the semester?

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