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Certain_Study_2012

2024-11-17 13:56:10

Should I adopt a friend's kid?

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I have been listening to adult adoptees, and what I understand is that the sadness often stem from secrecy about the adoption, being treated differently by adoptive parents, being parented in a way that privileges conformity to expectations over who the child is (especially around neurodivergent behaviours, but also racial differences) and wondering why they weren’t “good enough” to be raised by their birth parents.

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Thank you for the detailed response! I'll be looking for a lawyer :)

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As someone who was adopted at birth by parents who loved me very much, I can say there wasn't really any adoption trauma on my part. My mom was open with me for as long as I can remember about my adoption story and circumstances, how much my birth family just wanted me to be able to have a good home and a good education, and how badly she and my dad wanted a baby and how they waited so long for me She would explain the legal process and the paperwork they had to do and the home studies when I was old enough to understand that. Whenever I had questions as a young kid she would answer them the best that she could. I never really thought anything of it, it was just normalized to me by my parents. I think the trauma comes from it being kept secret or people making it seem like it was a bad thing or whatever. I think if you provide the child with a loving home and you're open about the process when they're old enough to understand and answer whatever questions they have it really shouldn't be an issue. I do realize that everyone is different but that's my take. If you're willing to be open and honest about where they come from and be loving parents to whatever type of person they turn out to be, then I think you should definitely go for it.

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That's perfect. Thank you very much.(I'll obviously get a lawyer + maybe a counselor, reach out to some IRL adopted adults etc). But it's super comforting to hear someone's good account. It seems that the bad parts are a bit overblown

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