Care work, dysphoria and general rant

So, me (24 ftm) and my Partner (26 cis male) are dating for 3 1/2 years now. A problem that we have since about one year in our relationship is, that I am doing most things regarding care work. For context I may add, I was kinda neglected by my parents, specially my mental ill mother. In result of that, I’m really independent and I’m very used to take care of others. I’m in therapy for that (+ depression). My Partner has “severe” ADHD. To a point where daily tasks seem to be too much for him. He does household chores. But a lot of times it’s me saying him what we’ve to do cause he doesn’t know what has to be done. We’re trying to find a therapist for relationship counseling at the moment.

I just want to connect with other gay trans* guys about this topic. I know this kind of problem from my close female friends, who experience these kinds of problems dating cis-het men. It helps to talk to them but I need other trans* men’s experiences and views on that.

I feel so dysphoric about all of this. I feel like I am pushed to be the “woman” in this relationship (I know, a homophobic cliché but I don’t know another way to describe it). In addition to that, I get read as the “bottom” of our relationship quite often. Especially in my boyfriend’s, cishet dominated, friend group. Even tho most of them do not know about me being trans, so it’s not a transphobic issue I guess. Also, we’re proud dads of a two year old rescue pub, but due to my anxiety I’m very protective of him. Which means that I’m often confronted about me being “too sensitive” regarding my pubs training etc. (We have a wonderful dog trainer on our site btw). This gives me extra dysphoria, because I do feel like his dog “mum” sometimes, due to disphoria.

I’m 5 years on T and 4 years post Top Surgery btw. I’ve low to none dysphoria regarding my body. And English isn’t my first language I may add… hope my words do make sense lmao.

It all weighs on me. Idk I needed to rant. Advice/Experiences etc more than welcome!