Toward the end of 2023, I ended a long-term relationship. It wasn’t easy, but I knew I needed time to focus on myself. Over the past year, I’ve tackled health problems, improved my hair and skincare routines, started losing weight, and built a more independent life. Along the way, I’ve also worked on repairing strained relationships, learned to value my own space, and practised detachment.

I’m 29F, based in Bangalore. I have a stable career, a lovely home, and a carefully built life. It’s not perfect, but I’ve come to appreciate my growth and know my worth.

Earlier this year, my parents brought up the idea of marriage. While I wasn’t ready, I couldn’t brush them off entirely. To buy time, I said khar maas (a traditionally inauspicious time) was ongoing, and nothing could proceed immediately. I also laid out some high standards to keep them off my back: I wanted someone based in Bangalore, SF, or the EU for career flexibility; someone taller than me (I’m 5’5”); and someone earning more than me (mine is slightly more than 35 LPA)

My parents, however, outsmarted me. On January 15th, they introduced me to a guy they claimed was “perfect.” I reluctantly agreed to connect and see how it went.

He was 32M, well-educated, earning an impressive salary at a FAANG company, and seemed charming and polite. He picked me up from work on our first date and suggested dropping me home. Things started well until I noticed his car reeked of cigarettes.

I casually asked if he smoked, and he denied it. I told I have my shame cigarettes during extreme dress too, and I'm okay with it. Later, when we hugged goodbye, his clothes and body reeked of cigarettes, too. I brushed it off but couldn’t help wondering why he was lying about something so trivial.

On our second date at a cafe, I had a bad sneezing fit, and he asked me to grab some wipes from his bag. That’s when I saw two packs of cigarettes and a lighter. He stuck to his story when I asked him about it—he doesn’t smoke. The final straw came when I saw him smoking downstairs while he waited for his cab. At that point, it wasn’t about the smoking but about the consistent lying.

Things took another uncomfortable turn during a later meeting. He asked to come to my house, and I politely said no, explaining I wasn’t comfortable having him over without family around. He initially respected that but then showed up at my door a minute later, claiming he needed to pee.

Once inside, he started exploring my house, asking questions about random items. When he saw a photo of me with my ex, my best friend, and my dog, he got visibly upset (mind you it is a small fridge magnet and my dog looks very cute in it). That’s when I learned he had been stalking my social media to “verify” details about my life. He admitted he was trying to confirm that I was being truthful, which felt hypocritical given his lying tendencies.

I came clean, but he wanted to cross lol.

The day before yesterday we met for dinner, and he started talking about how he “deserved” a flat, a car, and ₹30 lakh in cash because of his impressive salary. I mentioned that I also owned a house and a car. He dismissed it, saying I want from family, what yours is mine already and laughed.

When I asked why someone who earned so much would need financial contributions from their partner, his response shocked me: “I don’t like women who talk back.” AGAIN JUST LAUGHED.

I sat through the rest of the dinner quietly, went home, and told my parents I wasn’t interested. While my parents supported me, his family sent long messages defending him, claiming he “didn’t mean it.” He didn’t say anything until today when he messaged me, apologizing and saying he wanted to be with me. He said he was bantering to see how I would react and if I had patience or not.

Here’s some context:

• He’s 32M, based in Bangalore, and planning to move to his US office soon.
• He’s a single child with independent parents, which is a plus.
• He’s well-educated, earns a high salary, and is charming in social settings.
• He wants to get engaged within the next 3-4 months, while I prefer dating for at least 1-2 months before involving families.

I’m 29F, with a stable career and a life I’ve built on my own terms. While I appreciate his ambition and accomplishments, I can’t ignore the red flags—his lying, boundary issues, entitlement, and even misogynistic remarks. I’m not in a rush to settle down and have no problem waiting for the right person. But as I grow older, I know my time is precious, and I want to make smart decisions about who I allow into my life.

Should I restart the conversation freshly or let it go?

TL;DR:

I (29F) worked hard over the past year to rebuild myself after a breakup—focused on health, independence, and self-growth. My parents recently introduced me to a guy (32M, FANG employee, Bangalore-based, moving to the US soon).

At first, he seemed great—educated, charming, and successful—but he started showing red flags:

• Lied repeatedly about smoking.
• Showed up uninvited at my house and invaded my privacy.
• Stalked my social media to "verify" my life.
• Made entitled, misogynistic remarks about relationships and finances.

He now wants to apologize and move forward, but I’m conflicted. Should I give him a chance or walk away?