Opening_Procedure449 literally hooked up with my mom

As hilarious as this dude’s stories are, everything feels really uncanny after this afternoon.

Anyways, I won’t go into details because I’m not trying to dox this dude, but my mom lives in Santa Monica and works at a senior living home down there and she’s usually run down after a day of work. She's divorced and with me at college, she’s alone most of the time. I’ll visit her each weekend and she always seemed to not want to get into another relationship, considering my parents divorced only a year ago. So I went to visit home earlier today (I live on my own now in westwood) and sure enough there’s a guy with her, and I’m like, well alright. A little weird. Still won’t tell my dad though because my mom is entitled to her own life and etc you know, but I myself am a little curious about this dude, especially since he appears to be way younger than my mom and has long hippie hair and scruffy goatee. Gives off major early 90s vibes.

I run my ass straight to my room though because I was a little worked up over the first few days of school back since the fires. Before I know it though, this dude is straight up spitting poems... so like fucking, type shit. He has such a unique vernacular that I instantly recognize it from this reddit as opening procedure. Every twenty seconds in the other room I hear: so like, fucking... and he uses it as a transition clause for EVERY DAMN STATEMENT. And sure enough, my mom is laughing her ass off like he is the greatest comedian out, so I go back into our dinky living room and start pretending to scroll on the couch to hear what he’s saying. He’s telling some wholesome story about one of the old folks at the senior living home, or at least I thought he was, because one ‘so like, fucking...’ later and the story is now about a time in vegas when he made out with one of my mom’s high school friends at a casino. ACTUALLY WHO IS THIS GUY!

In all honesty though, it was a pleasure meeting you Opening_Procedure449. You treated my mom better than my own dad, but sadly, if you become my stepfather, it might be a little too much. Wishing you the best in your milf dating life though.