I feel self conscious

I hate how im a dude that looks a lot like my birth father who I haven't seen in years but yet I got long natural eyelashes. I feel like I am not attractive to girls my age (im 17) . Like these thoughts make it harder for me to sleep at night especially when I take my anti depressants. I'd rather not show my face on social media due to how I feel about my looks. I find it hard to gain weight for a guy that's 180cm but 53kg it's crazy. I've had many thoughts of suicide after my ex left and especially being the only make in my family adding more weight. I guess Reddit was where I could go without being judged.