ST:TNG VS: TNMT:OS

What would happen if the crew from Star Trek: The Next Generation (ST:TNG) encountered the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT)?

* First off the turtles are at a huge disadvantage. They only have arcane Japanese hand weapons, the Enterprise has a huge laser beam and photon torpedoes

* However, if TMNT had a space ship it would almost certainly be a huge shell, so that would deflect any of Picard's little laser beams.

* If they say all four turtles were to beam upon the Enterprise because they are fantastic, and the rt guy comes along, would the Enterprise internal health systems immediately detect salmonella and bubonic plague carried by the inboarded or is that eliminated in the beaming thing?

* In the scenario where TMNT invade 1701-D, wouldn't they be easily defeated by making tons of pizzas through the replicator thing that also makes Counsellor Trio's feminine products?

* Do you think the reporter lady would or would not be friends with Counsellor Troi? Do you think they would make out?

*What if there were a scenario where the TMNT teamed up with the Klingons to go back in time to fight crime in NYC in the 1980s? I'd watch that.