Help with Sobriety…?

TW: SH, Depression

Hello, I am new to this subreddit, I hope to share a bit about me and why I’m making a post here in the first place.

It is extremely hard and embarrassing for me to chat about this, but I can’t keep leading this addiction. I’ve been taking DPH (lame drug, ik) for about 5-6 months now and I can’t find any peace with myself to stop on my own. I don’t get horrible withdrawal or cravings, I just know I have it in my house and I will go and get some. Everyday I keep telling myself “This is the last time I’m taking this..” and then repeat that cycle over and over again.

I feel so moody, down, and stupid when taking this drug. I can have a conversation or find any joy in projects. I have no idea where to start. I was placed on Naltrexone for self harm, but when I run out, my cycle continues again and again. I manage to stay off of it when I’m not home, but when I get back I immediately jump into my cycle. The app ‘I am Sober’ didn’t help too much just because I don’t really listen to random notifications on my phone. But maybe I’ll try it again, who knows. I don’t have any friends or people that can hold me accountable.

I started taking it when I was in the psych hospital, they would give me 25-50mg for sleep, but I spiraled when I got out. I couldn’t sleep without it. And now I can’t sleep at all, if I do then I wake up at 4-5 pm, basically wasting my entire day.

I would love any advice and help that someone would like to offer, I’m young and I don’t want to lose my life. I can already see signs of doom. Thank you for reading!