I think I’m a loser

Not naming my age but I’m mid teens (don’t wanna hear any bullshit about still having time just keep reading). I’ve never had a father figure, aside from my own father who left my family for hookers and blow. Anybody who tries to come into my life to help me gets ignored because I’m too scared to talk about myself. I train martial arts and hit the gym daily, but I’m still subpar no matter how hard I try. I make horrible grades and usually come home to the sound of my mom having a breakdown targeted towards me because I’m ruining my future. My dopamine receptors are fucked. I can’t do good in school unless I’m high out of my mind or have a vape to get me through the day. I don’t watch porn. Not because I’m past it, but because I’m so fucking drained my dick is limp 90% of the day. I have 0 social skills and can’t talk to anybody but my friends, who I’m slowly losing everyday because I’m either too far gone into drugs or not into them enough, never an in between. I always think about getting new friends, but everyone seems so shallow to me. I’m very empathetic and I’ve let so many people fuck me over I can’t really trust someone to the same degree anymore. I won’t even think about getting a girlfriend because I already can’t talk to people but with everything in my life, it just feels like another problem to me.

Everyday is just mental survival to me now. I’m at least trying to be productive so I can feel happy, but it doesn’t work anymore. I get high or drunk because it validates my existence for at least a couple hours. Never had a girlfriend and definitely won’t be having one anytime soon. Losing friends because I’m unsure if I’m the asshole or if they are. Im not improving in my hobbies or studies, and I barely have anyone left in my life. I only cry sometimes when I’m guilty, even though I’m guilty every fucking day. I already know the comments are going to tell me to sober up, even though in my position it’s pointless because it won’t help me feel any more mentally well. Someone give me tips