So tired of losing time and the endless waiting

I wish I could go back to March when I was blissfully ignorant to the challenges that would await me for TTC. I feel like I lost this entire year to my two miscarriages, and don’t understand how some people are able to move on to the next attempt so quickly.

I had my first pregnancy and loss back in March and April of this year. I was SO convinced I’d be pregnant by now. Jokes on me.

I naturally miscarried around 8 weeks. I have PCOS, so even though I was able to “try again”, I never got the timing right with ovulation since I’m so irregular. I had one failed round of Letrozole on 2.5 mg, and found success at 5 mg. I had done an HSG which was clear, and and SHG with some kind of polyp or potentially tissue from the previous pregnancy. But before we could do the hysteroscopy, I wound up pregnant. I was not technically under my REs care for that round of Letrozole, so they were not heavily involved in the pregnancy.

My pregnancy was a roller coaster that you can probably find in my post history but I’ll spare the details. Essentially I had a chemical pregnancy and miscarriage all in the same cycle. I found out I was pregnant in early September. By early October, I knew it wasn’t viable, but again had to play the waiting game. I went in for a hysteroscopy and D&C oct 25th, and thought I’d be all set to try again after that.

After speaking with my RE, she said to wait for my next period so we could schedule a follow up SHG to confirm the uterus was clear. I was annoyed since that was the point of the hysteroscopy, but wanted to give us the best chance at success. I was worried my period would take forever to come, but luckily it was only 5 weeks.

Today I went for the follow up SHG and lo and behold, there’s either a new polyp or the same one (haven’t spoken to the doc yet). Now we will have to wait until this is removed to even consider trying again. That’s almost 4 months (and probably longer) lost to this pregnancy that I knew wasn’t viable from DAY ONE. That’s INSANE!!!! It feels so dragged out.

At this point, I’m not even sure I’ll have a chance at a baby by 2025 with all of the testing and waiting I have to do. It feels like everyone else just keeps trying, and I’m stuck in no mans land. My husband is so frustrated for me watching me go through all of these procedures and end up disappointed.

If you made it through this whole thing, thanks for listening. How do you deal with the struggle of the constant waiting and lack of answers?