Telling myself everything is going my way but it's not

Just rejection after rejection after failure and no money. Maybe I'm just looking for sympathy but I tell myself it's just going well and in reality, I can't pay my bills, I miss my friends, my career is at a standstill, I miss my family. I was looking forward to this weekend because I had big plans and I was finally going to be with someone and have a fun summer adventure. Cancelled. Something I've been planning for months completely cancelled. I look at the brightside everyday. I look inward to make myself happy. But let's just see it how it is. This toxic positivity has been taxing. My manifestations are further away than ever. This weekend trip was the cleanest manifestation. Just pure excitement for it. No deep down telling myself it wasn't going to happen. And now it's not. And I'm out money that could've been used for bills. Like what do I believe in if I can't even have one weekend. How am I supposed to trust the universe if it's just been consistent hurt and rejection since January. How do you all get through these seasons of life.

A little edit: I think what is really confusing about this time is that I left my home to chase some dreams. It seems as though the universe wants me to not follow this path anymore. Going home feels like giving up because my dreams are not as attainable there. But manifestations come in strange ways and I think going back is my path now. Thank you all for your kind words. It seems like a lot of you know this feeling