How many of y’all are just existing? And what is stopping you from living the life you dreamt off?

I’m 18M, feeling really hopeless, lost, and broken in life. I feel like nothing ever gonna change. I just don’t feel normal at all. I hate myself, I’m ashamed of my self, I’m afraid to take any steps. I have nobody to talk to. It’s been six months since my college started, still haven’t made any friends. My thoughts are always on, they make me so tired that I can’t even speak properly in college or any social place. I’m just existing for the sake of existing:0