my story of leaving christianity

The first time I ever remember questioning religion was in 4th grade after I found out my dad was homophobic. I'd been really into fun facts about movies at the time, and I mentioned Judy's neighbors in Zootopia were based on a gay couple, and the first thing he said was "I don't like those people." I'd realized I was bi 2 weeks before that. In the following months, I tried to argue with my dad, but he always said people just weren't praying hard enough. I ended up praying every thing for god to fix me or kill me for months on end. I used to believe that if I died before 15, God would let me into heaven because I was so young. In 4th grade, I was planning my own suicide because I was so scared I couldn't be fixed. For years, I couldn't enjoy my birthdays because I knew it was getting one year closer to the limit, and the moment I turned 15, it was over for me and I was destined to burn in hell. Up until a month ago, I was in denial I could even be a lesbian, even though I'd been out as queer for years. I finally felt comfortable identifying as lesbian once I officially left christianity.

The more I spiraled and looked for answers, the more disgusting things I found. I didn't really have a certain breaking point. I'd been thinking about leaving for over s year, but I was starting 10th grade, and I finally chose to officially leave and stop hiding myself. I've never felt better in my life, honestly.