Can't do it :(

Just feeling sad. Like I'm falling apart and I can't be who I used to be, I'm always so focused on my health. Worst part is all my complications are my own doing, I was a stupid teenager who pretended I was fine. No diabetic family so nobody noticed it was unusual for me to be sick all the time. Now I'm never healthy and I'm just sad. I'm only 20 but I'm just so over it and want to start the next life already, hopefully not a diabetic one lol. I just wish someone understood. Maybe that's why I'm posting here haha