People don't understand what transphobia actually is and it's annoying

I'm a trans woman who first came out in high school. As someone who graduated in a small Christian town in 2010, I've dealt with actual transphobia. I've been bullied, beaten up, called names, and purposely misgendered. It was so bad I actually went into denial about being trans and ended up having to go to therapy to realize that yes, I am indeed still trans

This is why I find it incredibly annoying that I see more and more people misusing the term transphobia. I wish I could say it's just cis people being ignorant, but unfortunately I'm seeing it a lot in the trans community now and that's honestly really disappointing. I'd expect more from the trans community, but a lot of them are hiding behind the word "transphobic" to justify shitty behavior and silence those who disagree with them. In fact often times the people getting silenced are - surprise, surprise - other trans people!

Since it's apparently so hard to understand, here's some things that are transphobic:

  1. Having a weird(and honestly kind of creepy) obsession with trans people's genitals. Purposely misgendering trans women as men and trans men as women is a good example of this.
  2. Trying to deny us equal rights, such as protection from employment discrimination.
  3. Conflating trans women with cross-dressers. A man who likes to wear dresses is not the same thing as a woman who was born with the male sex. At best, you're ignorant of what being trans is.
  4. Claiming that letting trans women into the women's bathroom means letting men in. No, it doesn't - see #1 and #3.
  5. Telling NB people they don't exist. This is really a problem with any invisible group, including binary trans people(like myself) and gay people. Surprisingly, telling gay people they have a mental problem is homophobic.
  6. In general, having a prejudice against trans people as a group. If you "dislike trans people" or think "all trans people are blablabla", then that's a prejudice.

Here are some things that are not transphobic:

  1. Refusing to date someone because they have a body part you don't like. Just use common sense and don't be rude about it.
  2. Refusing to use neopronouns, like xi/xir and fae/faer. Sorry, but expecting people to use words you made up is just unreasonable and a lot of people(including me) resent having their language policed like this.
  3. Accidentally misgendering someone. Doing it on purpose is still bad and tends to be pretty obvious.
  4. Not wanting men, such as cross-dressers, in the women's bathroom. Trans women aren't men, so unless you're trying to imply otherwise it's not transphobic.
  5. Disagreeing with you. I really shouldn't have to say this, but I swear some people sling out the word transphobe any time someone disagrees with them.
  6. Looking for medical evidence of being transgender. Some people love science and although more studies need to be done on trans people(it's mostly MRI scans and autopsies atm), it's not transphobic to believe in science. In fact, it's much more transphobic to deny science... since a lot of people do that to try and erase trans people.

Overall, stop misusing the word transphobia. It's annoying and it alienates people who have absolutely nothing against trans people. Save it for the people who are actually transphobic and need to be called out on it. :|