I'm the reason my mom and grandmom have a broken relationship

When I was a kid, I had terrible eczema. For those who don't know, eczema is a not uncommon skin condition that causes persistent itchiness which leads to persistent scratching which leads to swelling, sores, and oozing wounds. It is incurable and frankly doctors don't even really understand it all that well. Everytime I saw pictures of myself as a kid, I was smiling, but you could see red patches all over face and neck or bandages on my fingers and arms. It's actually a little weird in retrospect, as I try to harmonize how beat up I looked but how happily I remember my childhood.

As a kid, I always remember a full house. It was my dad, my mom, my older and younger brothers, and our two golden retrievers. I still remember calling them my "gou gou ge ge" and "gou gou jie jie" - Chinese for doggy older brother and doggy older sister. My paternal and maternal grandparents also lived near us, and were always around as well. In fact, my maternal grandmother took care of us from babies to young toddlers so that we could save money on hiring a nanny / daycare.

Going back to the eczema, my grandmother swore up and down that it was the dogs that were causing my outbreaks. As I got older, I remember every time my grandmother was over, my mom and her would inevitably get into an argument about getting rid of the dogs. I remember getting pulled into some of these arguments too - my grandmother telling me / asking me if I wanted the dogs to go to a bigger house or just telling me that I'd have so much more play space if they were gone. My mom yelling at her for doing that. And back and forth. Over time - my grandmother's vists went from every few days to weekly to maybe once a month.

Then one day, when I was in first grade, my mom and I came home and the dogs were gone. Just poof. I still remember how panicked she was - running through the house looking for them, calling our neighbors, driving through the neighborhood shouting their names. I don't have the details on how it developed after that, but as I would later learn, my grandmother had taken the dogs away sometime that day without telling anyone.

I still remember there was a month where I could hear my mom crying at night. It really was like losing a family member. My brothers and I cried too. My mom begged and pleaded for my grandmother to tell her where the dogs were - even just to see them one more time. My grandmom, she never relented. To this day, we still don't know if she gave them to a family friend, took them to the pound, or even just let them loose in the woods (though I don't think she would do that).

Ultimately this action broke their relationship - my grandpop would still come over every once in a while, but I didn't see my grandmother for several years after that. And I've never seen my mom and her talk since those early days.

But in the background... my eczema started gradually getting better and better. Within a few months, I was no longer crazy itching, no longer scratching myself to shreds. I was no longer slathering with creams and steriods, no longer seeing the dermatologist every few weeks. My skin hasn't been perfect since then, but it's been night and day compared to my childhood. And while I've had flares and outbreaks over the years, almost every time I could trace it to being in too close proximity to dogs.

I know my mom hates my grandmom for what she did. And I know my mom loves me in every way. I know some of you might think ill of her because she wouldn't get rid of the dogs for my stake, but I do think she really saw them as her first children. But if my grandmother didn't do what she did, I feel like my growing up years would have been dramatically different. Even just elementary and middle school were tough - navigating with flaring eczema could have been unbearable.

I do believe my grandmother sacrificed her relationship with my mom for me. Now that I'm a bit older, I've restarted the relationship with her and she's every bit the warm and loving grandmother I remember from my hazy childhood memories. My mom's never stopped me from visiting her or Facetiming her, but she will still refuse to discuss anything related to her.

My mom and my grandmother both love me. My mom loves me in every way, but she couldn't let go of the dogs even if it meant I would have a better quality of life. I'm the reason my mom and grandmother don't have a relationship anymore. I owe so much quality of life to what my grandmother did. I've been wrestling with these conflicting feelings for some time now. And I haven't been able to resolve them and I don't think I ever will.

EDIT: Given so many comments about getting tested, as I said in the article, I saw dermatologists regularly as a kid, and still do now. I have been tested multiple ways - prick tests, patch tests, even skin shaves / biopsies. They confirm an allergy to a wide range of things including dog. However, there is disagreement by professionals on how these kind of tests are interpreted. Some doctors say they're not useful for people with sensitive skin because you just react to everything. Some doctors say that exposure creates sensitization so you're less allergic later in life, while others say that is nonsense. I don't remember exactly what my mom was told, but I suspect she received multiple opinions and hoped that I would be one of the kids that desensitized.

EDIT 2: There is a decent amount that I don't know / may never know about the situation given how young I was. My mom doesn't want to talk about now and I haven't really found the need to open the can of worms with my grandmother. The post is primarily based on what I could remember / overheard / got pulled into. I do know my grandmother offered multiple compromises, including moving the dogs to her house. My mom would always retort telling my grandmother that she is not a doctor, so she shouldn't be butting in. As per my earlier edit, my assumption is that mom always believed in desensitization and therefore would have always wanted to keep the dogs.