can’t move on

fell in love with someone about 4 years ago. we never actually got together but it seemed like that’s where it was headed for so long. but for a while now i’m clearly replaceable to this girl and i haven’t really recovered since. been trying and trying and trying so hard to move on and just get by life without thinking about her but it feels impossible. it’s my fault for letting it get this bad in the first place but now it feels like im in too deep and not a day goes by where i don’t contemplate taking my own life. i feel like shit everyday and no one can really relate to what i’ve been through. i don’t like talking about what happened. i hate talking about this girl but after everything that happened i just can’t seem to process it all and move on. i can’t seem to accept the fact that there’s nothing i can do. i don’t spam her or anything and i rarely talk to her lately it’s just i cant get her out of my mind and it’s making me do terrible things to myself. i don’t really want to take my own life because i haven’t done anything substantial with my life yet and i would be wasting any ounce of potential i have left but this has been bothering me for over a year now and im just now starting to basically go insane from it