Full Disclosure

I have not seen WP in over 3 weeks. Tomorrow we will go to CC and he will give me a full disclosure statement. A timeline of all the events and details of his A. I am not okay tonight. Trying to be but I’m in a ball of anxiety and sadness. I asked for this, I told him I needed it to be able to heal and to move forward. To hear all the details and know every bit of the truth. To hear him tell the entire story- from his own mouth. And I meant it.

But I’m also terrified of hearing it all, of hearing something new, of opening up all the wounds. Such an odd place to be, to ask for more pain so you can stop the questions from spiraling around and try to get a tiny piece of closure. All I know is that it’s 9 pages long, and I keep fixating on that. Asking myself how could it be 9 pages long, how could all the lies and cheating be so rampant that it’s 9 pages. I’m sick to my stomach.

Update: I am okay. Doing better than I anticipated. While there were new details that were shared and one new event that occurred (a text exchange between WP and AP in Sept 2023) there was nothing earth shattering that came from the disclosure statement.

I am still processing, but right now all I feel is disgust and disdain. WP and APs relationship was extremely toxic and she was desperate and pathetic. And he was desperate and pathetic for giving in and pursuing her too. The A was just very juvenile and gross on both of their parts. The therapist even said after reading it she wished AP was in the room because she’d have a great time breaking her down. Then therapist turned on WP and said the fact he allowed and craved that behavior didn’t make him any better.

I spoke with WP briefly in the parking lot after and told him if this kind of desperate and disgusting behavior is what makes him feel good about himself and feeds his ego, then he can have at it. He stuck to his normal “I love you and I’m committed to you and I’m working on me” And I stuck to my “You might love me now, but you didn’t love me for the last 4 years. This isn’t love”