i want to do it

sometimes i wish i didnt have people in my life who i actually care about so i coukd just do it completely guilt free. its been over a year since my last attempt but i cant stop thinking about it. if i went through with it id leave my cats and my boyfriend and my mum in her own and she'd find a way to make it all about herself anyways i dont really think my brother would care because hes a fucking knobhead anyways. idk its just always on my mind and i dont know if ill be able to stop myself from doing it i just dont fucking know how much longer i can keep gking on like this i r wlly dont