I have everything I need in my Amazon cart

I've spent weeks figuring out what elements and chemicals I need to make toxic gas and how much of everything I need. I've done the math and figured out a likely solve for the volume/concentration problem. I have little doubt that if I try to kill myself this way it'll work. I'm waiting to get paid tomorrow to be able to place the order. I don't know. I give up. Even if I can get through this bout of SI now, how am I supposed to live knowing death is an Amazon order away? I think I'm a lost cause. I'm just so done