The danger of Proverbs 22:6

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proberbs 22:6

I think that verse was not only an advice but a warning.

This 2024 I've come to realize a lot of things. Its been almost 3 weeks since I resigned from my previous job and I feel like I'm trapped in a small box again except there is a way out but I'm too afraid to do it.

My family raised me to be distrustful of the world and others. That the only people who will truly love and care for you is your family. That it's a dog eats dog world and you have to get all these royalties to be considered succesful.

But as I grew older I found the opposite to be true. I found strangers who took care and protected me, friends who cared more about my well being than family, communities having that bayanihan spirit, and success is defined by your own self. You can live small and still be succesful.

But even now I find it hard to step away from the extreme parts of what I've been taught. It makes me afraid of the world whether its unseen danger or disappointing my family. For the past months, all who've come to know my life story or seen how I became sicker have told me to leave my family. That I can love them far away, and I agree.

But I'm afraid of what they might say, my mother has called me a prodigal child when I wanted to go on a vacation on my own. I'm afraid now I'll become like that story where I do become a prodigal child and come crawling back to my family after messing up my life when I know and a lot of people know I'm capable and frugal.

I'm scared how they'd judge me and what lies they'll tell my nephews and others. One of my nephews opened up to me telling me my older brother had talked bad about me to him.

I don't drink, I dont smoke, I don't go out late at night partying in bars or any stereotypicl bad behavior.... In fact, others have praised my family because I'm the ideal child. Deep down I'm a broken mess afraid of my family.

I feel like I'm on the edge and if I get pushed further I'll lose my mind. I'm praying and crying to God for a job that'd sustain me and give me a proper excuse to move out.