Had the baby conversation recently. Addressed the elephant in the room. Ugh.

My boyfriend (M27) and I (NB26) got on the subject of children recently. We are at this point in our relationship where you start really considering all that important shit because you're that serious. Y'all probably know what I mean.

My boyfriend cannot have children. It is impossible. This is due to (long story short) his doctor going "oh testicles aren't descending? what if instead of fixing that I just remove them entirely". So he did! All without parental consent. He's had a hard time thinking about the future because of that. It's definitely something I can't completely understand, but I know it must be really hard to navigate.

With our relationship being at such a serious point, he explained how he never really thought about having children until we got together. And it makes him both jealous and angry that I'd be technically having some random man's baby. It's not a dealbreaker, just a hard feeling to have I'm sure. I feel similarly in that I don't want a random guy, I want him. It's not off the table, but just a conversation we decided to have a bit later on and with a therapist probably.

I guess my rant is that I fucking hate his doctor and I want to find his grave and kick it a lot. I hate that this was stolen from him and from us. I hate that it's impossible. I'm a person who, if I want something, I will find any way I can to make it happen. The only thing I know of is in-vitro gametogenesis and that's not exactly a thing yet. If I could do that though I would. I would in a heartbeat. But I can't. I literally hate it so much y'all and it hurts.

It's a lot to navigate and a lot of complex feelings. I'm sure we will find our answers one day, but for now I'll just be mad at a random dead doctor in Boston.