Therapy Breakthrough

I had an interesting breakthrough in therapy. It’s been a very up and down journey. I wish that it was easier. I wish it was faster. I wish that I could just get the answers and do it and be done. Sigh.

Anyway, I grew up with a lot of trauma. Life didn’t get easier as an adult. I’ve made the same mistakes repeatedly. Kind of an ah ha moment I had is that it has made me very resistant to any change. I don’t like eating different foods. I don’t like playing different video games. I don’t like watching new shows. Stuff like that. I had found things that worked and didn’t want to change anything.

The problem with this is that it only worked FOR ME. I was hurting people around me because I couldn’t bend out of my comfort zone. I have fucked things up beyond repair with multiple people because I refused to see anything differently at all. Now that I have the ability to do that, it’s too late.

I can’t play their favorite game with them. I can’t tell them that I’m trying it again. I’m giving it a fair shake. I can’t tell them I finished the anime we started. It was like pulling teeth to get me to even consider it. I finished it and now I’m on crunchyroll watching more! I’m trying to go back and try everything I always said no to instead of considering.

I can’t tell them how much I’ve grown because I was honestly the biggest piece of shit in the world and I don’t DESERVE to tell them. My only hope is that one day they get curious and take a peek at my profile that has never changed and see this. They kept telling me I needed therapy and I refused to see it. I’m so sorry for never listening. I’m so sorry it came to a point where you were forced to give up on me.

I’m going to keep on my path. I’m going to keep making myself better. I truly hope that I can become a much better person eventually. I know I’ve made huge improvements, but I also know I have a long road ahead.

❤️