How should a Christian deal with suicidal thoughts

Alright, long story short I asked God to give me rest from divine service for my body is numb, and I was enjoying it only for a while until problems started to take shape, problems whether it was about: school/chores, meditate, or simply God or the holy spirit is trying to convince me to go do something that I surely won't because I'm giving myself a warmup from everything that is bothering me, and I asked myself if this is from God or not.—and so by that I asked questions to the sub and pleased for advice on what to do and the comments told me to 'go and take some rest and leave everything up to God'.

And so I did as they told me to—only until it had an impact upon my metaphysical and became a bigger more problem, I couldn't feel the holy spirit's conviction whenever I fall into sin because I keep sinning more than usual and YouTube recommendations telling me that I'm already doomed to Hell and my faith is failing, and this caused me a handful of stress and anxiety to the point where I was having an episode and my body started to convulse by itself without my order to force it to—caused by insane agitation and stress I already knew I was going to lose my mind and go blackout. And Suicidal fantasies started to take place and this wasn't normal and God isn't worthy enough to be qualified to fix it and I couldn't get any good quality sleep because of everyone's WHINING and I don't know if should get therapy because of this and if I should stop seeking religion and focus more on the things that are 'there' and 'visible' on the present moment—rather than caring about something that Is already Dead.

This has been bothering me long enough and I'm not in a good shape to fight anymore, please help friends.