Should I call CPS on my dad?
TW: domestic abuse
I (f19) am the oldest of 4 girls (17, 15, 10). I’ve never really had a good relationship with our dad as we’ve always butt heads, but at this point I have ZERO tolerance for the person he’s become and continues to be. He’s a severe alcoholic and I always call him out on his bs because my mom enables him to the point where he still lives with us even though THEY ARE DIVORCED. Our parents have been divorced since I was around age 13 and yet my dad still lives with us in our family home. There were times where he’s been living separately from us, but he always comes back somehow. My mom is very soft hearted, generous, hospitable, and enables him because she still loves him. She divorced him due to his addiction, yet she STILL keeps him in our home where he continues to bring trauma into our lives.
Zara (f17) is mostly indifferent to everything and keeps to herself and her room. Zaya (f15) clashes with both parents and recognizes the abuse but she’s sympathetic to both parties, even my dad.. My youngest sister Zoe (f10), has always been a daddy’s girl. And due to her being the youngest, she’s ignorant of all the mental abuse our dad puts us through.
So here’s my current living situation.
My mom has always been more of the breadwinner. Although they both had jobs, our dad has been unemployed and living off of my mom’s income for approx the past 4yrs maybe more. She gives him her credit cards, refills joint account cards he has access to, and basically gives him allowance because he needs it to “take care of us”.🤨 Zara (f17) and I (f19) are both employed in part time jobs and are more than capable of taking care of ourselves. In my house there are usually no home cooked dinners, we each eat alone at our own times unless we order takeout, and Zaya (f15) is verrry independent to the point where she makes whole michelin meals for herself and sometimes a large enough portion for the whole family. Which begs the question: Why does he even need the money??😟
For gas I understand, but with the rest of the allowance he receives, he’s going out and buying cheap vodka and getting obnoxiously intoxicated from 10am until he blacks out. When he’s drunk he gets hostile, obnoxiously loud, and he throws a pity party for himself whenever no one wants to be around that. When intoxicated, he attempts to manipulate people or stir drama by trying to get people to choose between ‘me or him’ or ‘him or my mom’. He’s especially manipulative towards my youngest sister Zoe (f10, daddy’s girl) by yelling and cursing at her, slamming the table over homework, then telling her he cries himself to sleep because he loves his daughters so much and doesn’t want her to grow up.
Zoe has always slept with my parents with lullaby music on, but recently has been sleeping in her own room ever since she came back from vacation with my mom from 12/26/24-1/15/25. My dad at first was acting all sad saying his little girl is all grown up, then soon after started becoming more intoxicated by the day. One of the sole reasons of keeping my dad in the household is to maintain the relationship with Zoe, but her sleeping on her own has proved she doesn’t need him anymore and he’s coping through drinking more each day.
The past few weeks he’s been unbearable to live around because, as I mentioned, he’s fully drunk from whenever he wakes up to until he blacks out. It’s become so bad as to where all my mom’s family have began cutting him off or distancing themselves from him because everyone has experienced his wrath in some sort of way and can’t tolerate his drunkard obnoxiousness. (FYI my dad has no family in state, but my mom has various family members within a 5 mile radius)
I frequently tell my mom she needs to kick him out, that they are divorced, and that he’s not her responsibility. She just doesn’t listen. She gets upset when I confront her and sorrily claims “but he has nowhere to go” He has no money to his name, has no family in state, and refuses rehab or counseling. I’ve thought about moving into one of my mom’s sister’s houses (2, who live within 5min of us), but I genuinely do not feel safe leaving my sisters alone with my dad.
He has history of domestic abuse against my mom, me, and through punching holes or throwing stuff to make holes in the walls which causes emotional distress to all of us in the household. Just this past Christmas, a week before Christmas, my parents argued, he tore apart our Christmas tree, and we documented 20+ holes from that day alone. My mom immediately hired people to cover it up and my family acted normal after like nothing happened. The abuse towards me has died down as he hasn’t hit me since a few years ago, but he continues to get in my face and threaten me whenever I confront him when he’s drunk (for reference he’s 6ft and I’m 5’4). I am no longer afraid of him or what goes on in my household. I am afraid of what emotional distress my sisters might face if i do decide to leave my home.
Finally, here’s why I’m contemplating calling CPS. I’ve actually been contemplating CPS quite a while, but am not informed enough to actually go through with it. My mom works a lot and isn’t home majority of the time, so my younger sisters are left in the care of an alcoholic if Zara (f17) or I are at work.
- My dad has history of multiple arrests for DUI’s, fines for DUI’s and has gotten into a car accident due to his drunk driving, altering his appearance. This has to be reasonable cause for loss of custody no??
- He has no money to his name, does not pay child support, and does not have a roof over his head by his own means
I would think that someone who cannot uphold their own, should not have custody over their kids. I don’t mind disowning my dad because I’m of legal age, but it’s hard to ignore everything when my mom allows him to still live with us when they’re divorced.
My days are filled with constant arguments, tension, and feelings of uncertainty on whether my sisters or I will see the day without violence or aggression. I believe we are at risk of harm under my dad’s care because he could be negligently drunk driving my sisters (I never get into a car with him in the drivers seat) or he could bring physical and/or emotional harm into our home. This may be unsympathetic of me but I don’t care if he ends up in a homeless shelter, mental facility, or a rehab center because he’s brought this onto himself.
Should I call CPS on my dad?
My main concern is how my relationship with my mom and sisters will be if they find out I made the call
My main goal is to get him out of the house so we can live mentally healthy lives without chaos and fear