What do you do when it's all your fault?

I waited six years for it. It was so intense and real. Until it wasn't. I messed up everything.

Mental illness sabotages me in everything I do. Traumas a bitch. Normally I can know what is a real thought or fiction. I lost it temporarily, just long enough for her to think I'm like this normally. I would have married this woman.

What do you do when you shot yourself in the foot so to speak in the way of happiness. What lesson is there in this? My illness got the better of me. I miss her dudes. really could use the support right now.