Why you shouldn’t send that apology text

We’ve all been here. You just came to these sudden breakthrough realizations about what you did wrong in the relationship and all your flaws are so painfully obvious. Now you have this burning desire to contact your ex to apologize and address all your issues, to perhaps convince them that they’re things you’re going to work on/fix. Seems logical, right?

The problem is you’re in the bargaining stage. You’re not thinking rationally. You’re blaming yourself completely and taking too much accountability in hopes to win them back.

When you hit the anger stage or when you get over the breakup altogether, you’re going to realize it’s not all your fault, they had a lot of faults themselves. And you’re going to be SO mad at yourself for taking all the blame. And you know what? If you actually do get back together at some point (which won’t be because of this desperate apology, trust me) their expectation is for you to change and won’t feel the need to work on themselves. It’s very likely that they also have a lot of work to do, and your some of your biggest faults may be a direct result of them not meeting your needs in some way. It takes time and a lot of self-reflection to see the whole picture.

Most importantly, the apology isn’t going to work. When someone decides to break up with you, there is NOTHING you can say to change their mind. You can only say things to push them away. Give them space. If you really feel the need to apologize, wait for them to come to you. Hopefully by then you’re thinking more clearly and you aren’t so hurt.

Please trust me. Don’t send the apology, fam.

— Someone who sent the letter and is now realizing it wasn’t all my fault. 🤦🏻‍♀️