how to cope with being normal (slow)?

I'm at remission, but I kinda want to cry.. I don't feel the old "pull" to do stuff quickly, before it was kind of like hyper focus, time doesn't pass by in seconds anymore.

I don't know how to live like that, I'm sober and very sane at remission.. it's just seems I won't be able to achieve anything in my life without being manic.

I'm at very hard life situation right now, so it's even worse without mania.
I can bootstrap mania any day though and fix my situation, but it's so unfair.. I'm literally useless without mania, I AM USELESS. I AM JUST A RESULT OF FAST BRAIN METABOLISM!!!