For those of you wondering if you should look back to heal:

For context in this convo my ex tests me by asking me "What's cuter, me or our cat?" I reply jokingly the cat, and was about to say "jk, ofc it's you!" but... as you can see I don't get that chance.

I've been separated for 7.5 months now from my ex. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I miss her.

There are days where I know I'm better off without her, and days where I wonder if it was all my fault. Some days I'm convinced she was the only one I'll ever love.

So in all of that emotion, I looked back to texts and messages which I had locked away until I was ready and...

I see more clearly why it was good things ended.

Sometimes time has a funny way of making things seem better than they actually were in the past, and couple that with loneliness and our own mental health struggles, it's easy to idealize our past relationships with even the most traumatizing of partners.

But that's just it. It's the trauma bonds we form and inability to convince ourselves that there is healthier for ourselves out there than that that makes it easy to look back in envy.

Revisiting that past from a healthier place puts me at a point now where I know that even if I don't find a love that feels the same way it did between me and my ex, I know I am able to live happier single if I put my mind towards self-improvement (therapy, gym, education, hobbies).

tl;dr: Looking back can be dangerous as it wells up emotions, but sometimes it's important to remind ourselves just how much the relationship was hurting each other and want better for ourselves. Come at it from a healthy distance and perspective and maybe ask your trusted friends/therapist for guidance.

Good luck to everyone recovering still, we can do it!

For context in this convo my ex tests me by asking me "What's cuter, me or our cat?" I reply jokingly the cat, and was about to say "jk, ofc it's you!" but... as you can see I don't get that chance.

I've been separated for 7.5 months now from my ex. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I miss her.

There are days where I know I'm better off without her, and days where I wonder if it was all my fault. Some days I'm convinced she was the only one I'll ever love.

So in all of that emotion, I looked back to texts and messages which I had locked away until I was ready and...

I see more clearly why it was good things ended.

Sometimes time has a funny way of making things seem better than they actually were in the past, and couple that with loneliness and our own mental health struggles, it's easy to idealize our past relationships with even the most traumatizing of partners.

But that's just it. It's the trauma bonds we form and inability to convince ourselves that there is healthier for ourselves out there than that that makes it easy to look back in envy.

Revisiting that past from a healthier place puts me at a point now where I know that even if I don't find a love that feels the same way it did between me and my ex, I know I am able to live happier single if I put my mind towards self-improvement (therapy, gym, education, hobbies).

tl;dr: Looking back can be dangerous as it wells up emotions, but sometimes it's important to remind ourselves just how much the relationship was hurting each other and want better for ourselves. Come at it from a healthy distance and perspective and maybe ask your trusted friends/therapist for guidance.

Good luck to everyone recovering still, we can do it!