My heart hurts.

65 days no contact. I wish I could just talk to him, he became my best friend. I told him everything and couldn’t wait to share stuff with him. It’s devastating and heart-wrenching to have to pretend like he died, by maintaining strict no contact. We don’t live in the same place either, so I realistically may never see him again. Truly my body doesn’t know the difference - the grief I’m feeling is as if he passed away. My heart doesn’t feel like it will ever make a full recovery. And truth be told, I think that’s what grief does to a heart.

I renounce the idea i see that circulates here saying that nothing was real. It was for me. And I know it was for him. He just lacked emotional maturity, so his emotions were as fleeting, impulsive, and overwhelming as a childs. But they were real in the moment they were happening.

I know it would have never worked so of course it’s good it ended, but damn, the love was real and so is the grief.