In all honesty - physical attractiveness kept me around much longer

I recently ended things with my ex for the third and final time. Like everyone I had suffered mistreatment in many ways, but most of it was covert and behind my back. i.e. insinuating I domestically abuse her to her friends and family for attention. And btw, I took her back after this and demanded many promises that were broken many times over. Then she tried to commit suicide after we broke up and is in a mental facility for 2 months so... yeah. I don't even think she cares about me anymore.

I've been reflecting a lot on the relationship, my own shortcomings and why I dealt with this behavior and honestly I just keep coming back to her attractiveness that sucked me in. She is genuinely the most attractive girl I've ever seen. Thousands of likes on her Instagram posts, 100 thirsty guys orbiting to swoop in at any second, pretty much looks like Margot Robbie with fake tits.

In a way I feel shallow for this, but at the same time when you have a person like this that then love bombs the shit out of you, tells you how perfect and amazing you are, has the best sex ever, plans out marriage and kids, you can really feel on top of the world.

Because if I'm being honest if this was with a girl that was 8/10 or below I would be like yeah, peace the hell out.

Does anyone else have a similar experience? I've just realized I have a looot of work I need to do on myself clearly. Initially having her kind of as a trophy girlfriend was appealing, but then it devolved into so many worse things that it didn't even matter or appeal to me anymore. I did a lot of crazy shit in a short period of time like give up my entire life to move 3000 miles away to move in with her after 3 months of dating. Yeah. I'm a fool.

I'm just left wondering what is real. Did she actually love me? I think so.. but not in a way a normal person does.