I went back to school!

I haven’t been to school at all this year, every time I even attempted to I either ended up having a panic attack or a huge meltdown and was constantly burned out from it. It had gotten to the point authorities were about to get involved if I didn’t go back soon. About three weeks before Christmas break we came to an agreement that if I’m not pushed to go until the new year I’ll have a better chance of going back after the new year and it worked.

I started seeing a brilliant therapist who I had very low hopes for after being to 10+ the past three years but she proved me wrong. Every single therapist, counsellor, psychiatrist ect. in the past has felt like they were just reading out of a book and told me to do breathing exercises or go for a walk. However this one is able to point out things I had no idea about. I didn’t realise how negatively I felt about myself and specifically my autism diagnosis was and now I’m working on it. Her and my mam also pinpointed the exact moment my confidence shattered and it made so much sense.

However what I think was the real game changer was Reiki. I know I might sound absolutely insane and I felt that way too when my mam brought me but oh. my. god. Everything she’s said made so much sense. People in my family didn’t know I was going to see her and all of a sudden I got so many comments on how happier and healthier I looked and I felt it! It’s felt like I’ve had stagnant negative energy built up in me for years and I just accepted that’s my normal and I’ll always feel that way. If you can find someone good to do it I promise you they will seriously change your life. I mean I went from being basically paralysed in bed with anxiety and dread to getting up and going to the one place I fear the most with no problem. I was even able to brush it off when overhearing people talking badly about me in the corridors which usually sent me bawling into the bathrooms ringing my mam to pick me up.

I’ve also tried two antidepressants and have since came off them. They personally didn’t work for me. Prozac made me even worse somehow and Zoloft just made me so hungry and so tired. I’ve came off Zoloft three weeks ago and my appetite is now only starting to calm down. They definitely work for some but they aren’t for me.

I’m hoping maybe sharing this might give some hope to someone who’s struggling because I’ve barely attended school for the past three years. I was probably 12 the last time I did a full week. I’m not going in tomorrow but I’ll go in Wednesday for my favourite subject so I don’t overdo it and end up back at square one.

(P.S I’m also 57 days clean of hurting myself! That’s the longest I’ve went in at least 2 years)