UPDATE: AITAH for refusing to close our marriage "for the sake of our children"?
The last few days have been really emotionally exhausting. The first question I had to sit with was not whether I'd be happier in a relationship with my new partner. It was, "would I be happier without my wife?"
I never wanted to go into this conversation with him feeling like this was a one or the other situation. Talking to him without a decision made would feel disingenuous. It would be a dick move to everyone involved, like if he said no then I had my wife waiting in the wings. To me, that says neither relationship really mattered to me, I just want to be with someone. In my mind, there were only two options for how things would go when we spoke: I would either be ending things with him for my marriage, or I would be ending things with my wife. There was no taking a leap of faith and then crawling back to her with my tail between my legs.
The conclusion I came to is that I'm just not fulfilled in my marriage. I’m also having these complicated feelings, kind of cycling through anger at her opening our marriage at all and pulling me out of my comfort zone, while also feeling so grateful for what it’s taught me.
A common theme in the comments on my last post was “once the door has been opened, it can’t be closed.” And that’s true. I can’t go back to not knowing how it felt to be understood and listened to. I can’t unknow this feeling of trust. So I told her that I’m unhappy and that I’m going to be looking into separation options.
I had a conversation with my guy, and it went really well. I was just open and honest with him about how I feel. That he gives me things I’ve never had, and never knew I could have. He said some really sweet things that are just for me and not for the internet.
There’s no well-rounded end to this story yet. I have a lot more conversations to have. There’s also so much more I want to say, so many emotions that I’d like to get down into words but this is already very long. I just wanted to come on and give a little update for those of you who were wondering.