I dreamed the paramedics saved her, but...

My wife died of an opiate overdose. I knew she had used in the past but I thought it had been over for a long time. I found her when it was too late but the responding police officer and the paramedics tried anyway with narcan and CPR and the defibrillator.

In my dream they were able to save her but as I was hugging her and crying and telling her how scared I was and how much I missed her, she seemed indifferent. She simply stood up, found her phone and texted someone and then told me she had to go out for a minute but would be back. She suddenly seemed like a stranger I had confused for my wife and I no longer cared if she left.

I think I'm finally admitting to myself that she was two different people. One was her, the other was the addict who prioritized pills over anything else. I miss my wife terribly but a part of me is relieved that the addict is gone. Looking back I can see that I only got to be with "my wife" when the addict was satisfied. I don't hate her for her addiction, but I'm happy it's not a part of my life anymore. I'm not sure how I balance this all in my head.