Any former patients here? Considering stopping treatment

I was a daily user for 3 and a half years before I went private, and have been on MC since 2023. When I first started smoking I did see some positive effects, but I’m not sure if they were placebo or not.

I’m prescribed for ADHD, pain and depression/anxiety but those issues are still affecting me so badly it’s hard to justify spending £200+ for such little effect (I’m still entirely dysfunctional). I tried every antidepressant and ADHD meds, I had bizarre reactions to all of them. The only massive upside to MC was that it allowed me to hyperfocus even more to distract myself from my life and stop me from dreaming.

That being said I’ve gone from 3.5g a week to just under 10g, can’t even focus on my favourite things anymore and the nightmares are back with a vengeance. No lift in the depression or anxiety at all and I’m still just barely keeping myself alive between massive bursts of hyperfocus/dissociation, let alone thriving or being functional. I’ve had 4 therapists over the years and numerous other self help courses and such, but there’s been very little general improvement in my mental health. My current life consists of making music for 10-12 hour stretches, playing Xbox games intermittently and consuming ridiculous amounts of sugar (issues I’m trying to solve even though I have 0 present NHS support until at least May).

In the last 3 years I’ve failed at pretty much everything I set out to do; driving, uni, work, touring with a band, socialising- everything I attempt makes me feel worse than if I hadn’t tried at all. Aside from a small family, a handful of friends 200 miles away and a small but dedicated YouTube fanbase I have absolutely nothing going for me at the moment! I feel like the only thing MC is helping me do is to remain sedated in comfortable in my depression.

This brings my question; has anyone else stopped treatment altogether, or at least for a long period of time? During times I’ve ran out and forgotten to order more I’ve felt very little difference on the days I don’t have my meds. I’ve also used my vape a grand total of 5 times in a year and a half as I can only really tolerate “traditional” methods, the taste of the vape is just intolerable to me. My memory is also deteriorating, and I’m not sure if it’s an ADHD thing or to do with the MC. Different strains haven’t made a difference, so I think my MC journey ends very soon. Any thoughts on the matter or advice? Thanks!!