TIFU Got upset over grieving boyfriend who lost his mom

Hi everyone,

I’m in a tough spot right now and would really appreciate some outside perspective. My boyfriend is grieving the loss of his mom, who passed last month, and it’s been really hard on him. We’ve been together officially for 4 months but known each other overall of 10 months. I’ve been trying to be patient, understanding, and supportive, but I’m starting to feel emotionally drained because my needs aren’t being met in our relationship.

He recently told me that he doesn’t feel like he can rely on me for support when it comes to his mom. All because the day his mom passed he said he didn’t feel heard when he said his mom is going to die this week and all I said was “babe let’s try and be optimistic, she may have a few more days to go. Please try to make the most of it” because I said that, he resents me. This really hurt me because I’ve been doing everything I can to be there for him, but it seems like he’s turning to friends and family instead. I understand that grief is overwhelming, and everyone handles it differently, but it feels like I’m being pushed to the side in the process.

To make things worse, he recently called a female friend at midnight to talk about his grief—someone I didn’t even know existed. When I told him how that made me feel, he dismissed it and said the time of day didn’t matter. So I felt disrespected and upset.

I care about him deeply and want to support him, but I’m starting to feel like I’m pouring into a relationship that’s becoming one-sided. I’m getting frustrated and hurt because I don’t feel prioritized, and every time I try to express this, it feels like I’m being dismissed or made to feel like I’m not understanding his grief.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, if I’m being selfish, or if I need to step back from this relationship because it’s becoming too much for me. Have any of you been in a similar situation, either as someone grieving or as the partner of someone who is? How do I balance supporting him while also making sure my needs are met?

TL:DR My boyfriend is grieving the loss of his mom, and while I’ve been trying to support him, I feel emotionally drained and hurt because he’s shutting me out, leaning on others, and dismissing my feelings. Am I overreacting, or should I step back from the relationship?

Edit: this is my first time supporting someone going through a grieving process and I’m still finding ways on how to show up, what to do/say, and understand the relationship will be one sided for a while. Thank you for those who provided input.