More aware of my existence and mortality?

I’m on day 24, and I’ve been more aware of my mortality and existence. Please tell me this is normal!

I’ve gone through ego death before and these feelings are kind of reminiscent of the feelings I had after going through that.

My relationship is in the best place since it started, but I keep getting thoughts like “one of us will die first” or “at some point one or both of us will not exist”. I’ve always had issues with death and accepting it, but I’m no longer drinking. I didn’t expect a side effect like this.

I love that I no longer have the constant white noise in my head (it’s quiet now), but it’s also concerning that it’s been replaced with these random thoughts that send my already somewhat fragile (BPD) mental state over the edge.

I’m begging someone to tell me this is normal and that it won’t last forever. I’m hoping that it’s just my brain getting used to having a healthy relationship, and it’s my way of dealing with the surreality of it.

It’s just the only thing that’s really made me consider drinking. I know I won’t, but the fact that it’s causing the urge is still not good. 🙁