Help Deciphering The Loss Of My Twin Girls

Hi all. I am hoping for your opinions/guidance on Spirit Babies, and even further on identical twins. I went into preterm labor at 18.5 weeks gestation--too young to survive. Twin A was born stillborn and Twin B was born alive and lived for a few moments.

This was a surprise pregnancy that had so many ups and downs in its discoveries but we had recently gotten to a point of true acceptance and excitement for these twins. We are absolutely crushed. I feel so guilty for having had any other emotion than excitement during it.

I was already in labor (dilated and contracting) and there was nothing medically to do to reverse it or prevent it from progressing. They gave me the option to wait it out but I would have a high risk of getting an infection, inducing labor, or having a D&E (vacuum). We chose to induce as we have a living child at home and I was terrified I would go home and wait and it would be a horrible situation giving birth at home or I would get terribly sick and put myself at risk on top of the babies. I would have had to make it another 6 weeks for them to even have a chance at survival. I still can't help but feel I took their lives from them by choosing to induce.

I have so many questions. Did they both have souls or only my baby who was born alive? Did they sign up for this outcome in their soul contracts or did one/both of them decide they no longer wanted to come? Will they come back to me as future children? Would they be able to connect via a medium?

Thank you so much for sharing your opinions and guidance. This grieving mama is looking for any answers or hope for the future.