I can't stop crying.

Hi, I'm a 24-year-old female, and I am 17 days into a 7 week solo trip in Europe. I just was sick with the flu for 4 days and now I feel better physically but I can't stop crying. I am currently in Seville, Spain and I have gone out to see the sights and it's all the same compared to the last few cities I've been. Each day is crowded streets, the same European buildings, buy buy buy, shopping and big cities that all feel identical. I was having such a good time before I got sick but then I lost my voice and couldn't talk to people. Now I haven't connected with many people but when I do I just break down and cry to them. My flight home isn't until March 12, and when I go home I also have nothing waiting for me, no job, no community, no guidance on my next steps, So I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do. I am sick of wandering around and just existing rather than enjoying myself no matter how much I try. I have made sure I have been doing non-touristy things such as yoga, going to the gym and taking nights to watch Netflix, but the tears won't stop. Money isn't an issue at the moment so I could go home whenever but I'm worried I'll regret it if I leave but also worried I will regret staying and being so sad. I know the only person who can decide what to do is me but I can't tell if I'm just giving up when things get hard or if I am being too hard on myself trying to have the "perfect trip". But I guess I don't even know what I truly want right now so I guess it's between being sad in Europe or sad at home.

EDIT. UPDATE.

I have been at a loss for words these past few weeks. When I expressed my vulnerable emotions on the internet, I never expected this sort of response. Recently I even saw someone wrote a news article about this post too. Since comments were disabled I am editing my OG post and hoping the hundreds of people who commented and offered support see this and know I thank them and appreciate them for their advice. I wanted to start by saying that I was not mentally or physically feeling like myself when I posted this, and looking back l know that my emotions got the best of me and it’s not about where I was in terms of location. I fully recognize my privilege to experience this trip and it was insensitive to complain about something that’s such a first world problem especially with all the global hardships currently happening. Secondly, yes I am still travelling! I genuinely took the time to read everyone’s comments and private messages I received and lots of things really helped me through that low moment. Nothing like the power of strangers on the internet coming together for someone they don’t even know ❤️ I have always dreamed of travelling solo for a long time and I would’ve been very upset with myself if I gave up. Not giving up when things got hard made this experience that much more meaningful. To anyone that reads this post and feels the same way, please take all of this advice and DO NOT GIVE UP. I took a lot of peoples advice and changed the entire rest of my trip. For those curious: I started by de stressing in AIRE ancient baths the next day and it was 10/10, it really calmed me down. Next I ended up making some friends in my hostel and doing lots of fun things like flamenco shows and food touring around Sevilla, it truly is a magical place and I would recommend everyone spend some time in any one of the cities in the Andalusian region. Next I went on a hike on part of the Camino trail up a mountain outside of Madrid. Never underestimate how much power nature can hold for you. Finally, I am now on a farm in the Italian countryside where I am volunteering and living for the next few weeks and I feel at home and at peace with my experience so far. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reach out and offer advice and support. I received hundreds of messages and I physically could not respond. Additionally, since it is the internet there was some rude comments and questions and I just wanted to touch on a few for my own personal sake even though I don’t need to. I have been dealing with mental health issues for years but I didn’t realize until I was alone for so long how much I avoided rather than resolved. Honestly I think this trip has benefited my mental health as I haven’t been able to hide away from my problems. Also I’m the type of person who used to choose to let mental illness stop them from living their life and it made it worse. Truthfully, i have been in therapy and think it’s a great idea for everyone to do and I know that I need more of it. Another thing is I have worked multiple jobs since I was 16, and saved up a lot of money, invested, and worked for this experience all on my own (not that I need to defend that to people, but I don’t like the thought of people thinking I’ve been given some golden ticket when in reality I worked really hard to be here). Lastly, I made it seem that I have a bad support system at home and have no one but that’s not true and it came across poorly during my moment of weakness. I have many friends, and family members who love and support me but didn’t entirely understand what I was going through in that moment so it felt like I didn’t have anyone. Anyways, this trip has been the most difficult, amazing, important, eye-opening experience I’ve ever had and now I don’t want it to end. I am grateful for all of the ups and downs and if you find yourself so fortunate, everyone should experience a solo travel trip at least once in their lifetime.