Best friend of 10 years is going through a difficult time and need advice on navigating strained friendship.

Hey Reddit.

I’m 21F and my friend is 22FTM. We’ve been friends for almost 10 years at this point and he’s the one person I have really felt true connection with.

Most of the time I’m with him, we are constantly laughing and having a good time. I love him like family. We even lived together when my parents kicked me out. His parents took me under their wing like their own.

However, he is without a job or high school diploma. He has always had really bad mental health and not much resources as we lived in a tiny town. It seems like he doesn’t really do anything to improve his life (that I’ve seen). I’m worried for him.

I think a lot of this has snowballed and he’s in a really difficult spot in his life. I feel like he never really reaches out to me first, he has no money to go and do things with me (and I’ve had to stop myself from paying all the time), he’s really defensive when I’m just trying to talk to him. I’ve tried connecting with him more emotionally (as we’ve always had avoidant attachment types) and it doesn’t really seem to go anywhere. He snaps at me, degrades people around me, and his personality is just not as enjoyable to be around. I just feel like the reciprocity in our friendship isn’t equal and it’s very one sided from me.

I’ve tried to put some distance between us, but I’m just not sure what to do. I want to be there for him considering our past and how much I truly enjoy being around him when he’s in a good mood, but I feel like I’ve tried different things but there’s not much I can do. I even offered to move him to the city completely paid for so he has more life opportunities, which he denied.

I’m just sad. I don’t want to lose him. I’m scared maybe I’m being too hard on him or too defensive or just noticing all his bad qualities or something.

Maybe there’s something I’m missing. Any advice for me Reddit?