I have seen alot of people expressing some form of peace and melancholy when they play Silent Hill. Which to me, feels like an unknown landscape.

I have seen alot of people expressing some form of peace and melancholy when they play Silent Hill. Which to me, feels like an unknown landscape. Each to their own.

You see, I love horror. I crave it, I have always craved it. I saw my first horror movie when I was 2-3 years old. I was home alone with my father during the day and if I remember it correctly, he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie while he did some chores around the house.

He went through the VHS tapes and told me to pick one, I saw one of his movies and immediately told him "This one". He looked me in the eyes and said "Okay but promise to never tell your mother", I happily agreed. It was the movie Predator.

I felt really happy and excited because I was about to see a "grown up movie" for the first time.

Of course, the movie traumatized me. But I continued to watch 16 - 18+ rated movies throughout my childhood. When I think back to it, I realise that it wasn't good parenting.

But for me back then, horror was unknown to me and I think that I wanted to experience a new emotion, to be scared.

Back in the early 2000s me and my uncle rented a movie called Silent Hill and I was amazed by the town and atmosphere. I started to draw Pyramid Head all the time, and my curiosity about that town went through the roof. But I never got the chance to play the games.

Fast forward. After high school I became really depressed, and I mean really, really depressed and anxious. I was on sick leave for 8 years and the doctors made me eat medication for it.

I barely touched grass throughout those years, I just sat at home playing video games and watching movies. I barely remember those years, it felt like a fog... but I know that these years were extremely bad. To be alone with your mind can mess you up as many of you know.

During these years I got in to a relationship, a really toxic one. It went on for 2 years, but in the end I had enough.

I realised that I had to get a grip and pull myself out of this shit life I had created by myself. And I did. I was happy, but I also realised that horror games and movies started to make me feel very anxious. Because it wasn't unknown to me anymore, psychologically.

But for some reason I am still drawn to it, especially psychological horror.

The year 2020, I bought Silent hill 2 (Ps2). And wow, the game was amazing, it was art.

But I couldn't finish it, I only made it to the Wood side apartments. The feelings this game gave me was not pleasant, it made me feel very anxious so I stopped playing it.

But I didn't learn from it. For some reason I just bought Silent Hill 2 Remake, I think I just need to finish what I started.

As I am writing this, I just took my first step into the Otherworld, and I feel like I have been here before.