I need to be free

Part of what's holding me back in life is that I'm addicted to a guy, or at least that's what I've come to believe

We're just friends, and we'll never be in a relationship. I get it. But I've noticed that talking to him feels like getting fueled up, and when he says something that hurts me, I'm down for weeks

I can't improve myself when I go through withdrawal every month from my drug. I spend days feeling really happy and ready for anything, and then I go to bed late, wondering what he's been doing

Now, the problem isn't him. This is just how I am when I'm in love, and it sucks. I want to have the same energy I do when the guy I'm into is nice to me

It just feels so good to share my ideas with him: my stories, what I cooked, what I'm planning to do

And yet everything feels empty when I do those things and don't get to share them with him. I just don’t want to be like this anymore