I want to just leave this world

Female (23) Ive tried helping myself I really did. I just don’t think there’s any hope for me.i have no hope for the future. No goals. No nothing. I don’t have a good body or pretty face. Or at least a good personality. I used to and then I just lost myself to depression and now idek how to laugh or be in a group of people without wanting to just leave and try to hurt myself bc I never feel like I could ever fit in bc I don’t know how to communicate. I’m riddled with anxiety 24/7, I forgot how to love the right way and how to show it bc I can’t imagine someone could actually love me for me bc I wouldn’t . I know love a man but even then idk how to express it and I’m scared he doesn’t understand how deeply I care for him and I’m scared he’ll easily just find someone prettier and better. Its so hard to leave the world I really don’t want to but I this point it’s a loss cause. I have HSV and everyday I want to just killmyaelf and rid of this disease so no one has to worry that my disgusting body will ever go near them. I feel like the world gave this to me as another push to finally kill myself. What if I wasn’t meant to live a long life? I think that’s genuinely what my life is meant to come to. Who would ever want to be with someone with hsv( herpes) and it was a sexual assault and they drugged me so it wasn’t even my doing 😭😭I wish I could go back in time and never be with that man who did this to me. I hate myself so much. I fantasize about being murdered so I wouldn’t have to be the one to end it all bc I’m a coward and I love my family to much for them to walk in on me dead on the floor. I’ve traumatized them enough. I’m so tired. I’m so weak. I’m nothing