LSD fucked me up big time. I need help.

I was taking LSD (a psychedelic) every other day for maybe four to five months during 2021. I had grown comfortable taking it because I always prided myself for having “control” over it whereas my friends, who would occasionally have bad trips taking it, were sensitive towards the drug.

For context, and this is important, I had been smoking weed since the early age of 13 and did a lot of MDMA when I was 17. When my Mom had passed away, I decided to sober up and turn my life around, which I did.

My story was so inspiring, friends and people I did not know thought that I was going to be the next President, which I believed, considering how passionate I was about politics and helping people out. Anyways, this streak of sobriety lasted for maybe a year and a half. And when I entered college, began smoking weed again due to the excitement of being introduced to a culture that I believed I could easily adapt to

This is when the story gets interesting, and maybe even the cause of my downfall.

I had met a pretty girl in my class. Let’s just say that I grew to become obsessed over her, and although she already expressed rejection and discomfort towards me (as I would constantly like her posts on social media, and due to my reputation during the time, would insinuate, at least according to her, that there was something going on between us), I took it as a sign of motivation to keep on going for her and not accept being rejected.

Anyways, after that, she blocked me on Facebook. Fast forward to 2021, I was doing a lot of LSD like how I introduced at the start of this post. For some reason, it hit me really hard, like really really hard.

I developed intense grandiose thoughts of me actually believing I could be the President, other than me believing I was the living reincarnation of Jesus Christ. For me, it didn’t matter what other people thought, because I believed what I believed in regardless of what others thought, even my family. I had dwelled into the compliments and admiration of my peers due to past accolades that I didn’t get to understand anymore that that wasn’t the case, as my behavior, attitude, and mentality totally changed when I had developed these grandiose thoughts.

More than this, I began exhibiting odd behaviors. I was talking to myself, listening to music constantly (I would put my phone speaker beside my ear) which my family and friends found weird because were earphones for, right? And I would walk around in the middle of the night at my home doing this off behavior.

Anyways, every time I would see the girl on social media in a mutual friend’s account, I would believe that these mutual friends were “teasing” me to like her. In my mind, I believed that she was orchestrating all these hang outs with our mutual friends to tease me, which of course wasn’t the case. These “hang outs” would happen probably for 4-5 months. And the grandiose thoughts didn’t stop.

It got worse during the first quarter of 2022.

I had begun posting these odd political related posts on my social media and people noticed that it wasn’t me (I used to be very sharp and acute when it came to my political positions but these were just plain emotional and stupid). In my mind, I would fantasize that she was going to be my wife and the First Lady. It reached a point that everything I would see on social media I would think would be directed towards me (I would formulate a reasoning behind what people would be posting about).

My schizophrenia at this point reached its peak. I began messaging her friends, even her ex, about how I was so obsessed with her and if I could visit her at her home. I even brought my siblings to watch her brother’s concert where her whole family was present (it was so fuckin weird and awkward I dont know why I did that).

Anyways, things began to stop when I got to talk to my family about my behavior, we didn’t talk about the girl, but we talked about these odd behaviors that they were noticing and I was able to quit it out. I had learned that when busy, I tend to stray away from these grandiose thoughts and odd behaviors.

Fast forward to 2024. I had still been smoking a lot of weed, but took LSD again during the first quarter of 2024. After maybe three years.

The schizophrenia hit again. This time it was much worse.

I created a social media account, stealing photos of my friends, her and her family, even people I don’t know personally but were close to her, and I would post these political captions that would correlate to my delusional thoughts of me and her being together, it was schizophrenia and delusion at its finest. She and her family wanted to report me to the police. But because my sister talked to her, and my Dad talked to her Mother, they realized that it was a mental condition and did not want to burden my family’s situation with what was happening to me.

I went to therapy, and decided to quit drugs forever (a really big step in my opinion, considering how my older 27 year old brother does a lot of drugs too). I believe I’ve reached a very low point in my life because of these experiences. I find a hard time forgiving myself, and accepting this. Who I am now is very different from who I was before in probably all aspects of life possible.

I need help.