I am tired of constant pressure to do this right, and I just want to enjoy having a dog

I am an overwhelmed grad student with a near 4 month old doodle. I came home for the holidays, where my mom has another doodle puppy at the same age, and a 6 year old shihtzu. I had been having a lot of trouble with crate training (and had a very busy schedule that caused hitches in house training), and hoped Christmas break would help me focus on her.

Well, that didn’t happen. I took a short weekend trip with friends, then I became super sick for nearly 3 weeks. My mom ended up taking care of my pup alongside the two other doggos.

I’m finally getting better and am ready to start getting her back on routine… but the problem is that she’s just so much happier like this. My mom let her sleep in the bed with her and the other two dogs, she’s way more relaxed, lets them free roam, etc… and yes, they’re messy, but she still cues when she needs to potty outside (still has WAY more accidents than what I was doing). But my puppy is so happy like this and she has so much personality.

It just made my heart break a little. I’m so stressed about potty training, crate training, and doing all of the ‘right’ things, and I’m missing out on actually bonding with my pup.

Sometimes, I wonder if she even likes me.

I am almost ready to just throw the crate out and just let her sleep with me, and puppy proof a room when I have to leave. Is that so bad?? Is that setting her up for failure?

Edit: my mom has been trying to encourage me to let her keep my pup for the spring semester, and I could get her back when she’s grown past the puppy stage some more… I’m deciding! I just don’t want to feel like I’ve given her up!

Edit Edit: Okay. I came here to vent, and got some helpful feedback (this also blew up!! Lmao). I also just needed to shake off the stress! The pup and I will be fine. I am going to keep going as long as I can, and if we hit a barrier, I am privileged to have a supportive mom who is helping me hurdle the obstacles during the puppy stage. I am pressing forward with the crate, and will be lenient time to time with her.

I am going to bring her with me back to school, and then I’ll reevaluate during March-April, when I am at my peak busy season, and she may go back to mom for a bit!

I actually tried crating her tonight and she did it without much fuss! I am a lucky owner!

Thank you all for the feedback and support. I have got in way over my head, but I’m attached to her and am determined to see it through. One day, she will be grown!