I’m freaking out

I (31) found out I’m pregnant just before Christmas and I’m completely freaking out. I’ve been with my boyfriend (33) for 5 years and he’s amazing, but he really doesn’t want kids. To be honest, I thought I didn’t either- and also that I couldn’t naturally, since I have an ovary issue and a bunch of hormonal imbalances. Two days ago at the doctor’s, for the first ultrasound, it was the first time I heard “all looks good” in the same sentence as “your uterus”.

So anyways, I don’t know if I want to keep the baby, my boyfriend is more like “no way” but would do it for me. He doesn’t want to force me to have an abortion, but I understand that would be his preferred course of action. I never thought I would want to, but maybe I do? I honestly have no idea if I’m thinking rationally or if it’s just hormones.

I don’t even know what to expect from this post, but I’ve only told a friend (who lives in another country) about the pregnancy and I feel I need more voices to form an opinion. I don’t really want to speak with my family or other local friends unless I’ve made a decision.