I can’t feel bad for my abused family member anymore (Huge ramble)

I can’t. I can’t and I won’t and I never will. I don’t care anymore. If I start caring I will explode. It’s easier to be numb than to actually reflect on how crazy this is.

How you can stick with a person who abuses you, breaks things, steals things, gives you bruises, chokes you and you still stick beside them? I’ll never understand that. No matter how many times you say you’ll never get back with them, no matter how many times you say you’re done, you still stick beside them? And I have to witness all of that? And I have to act like everything’s okay? And I have to act all buddy-buddy with them? And I have to act like this is just a ‘normal part of a relationship’?

Fuck that. And fuck them for even uttering those words to me.

Why am I the only one who sees what’s happening? Why am I apparently the only one with a brain? Why am I apparently the only one that sees how fucking crazy that is? Why do I have to deal with this until I save up to get in a living situation away from this fucking mess? It makes me want to scream but I can’t, because I know I’ll be looked at as the crazy one.

I’ve contemplated throwing away everything I own except for important shit and just leaving. Even if it’s horrible conditions for homeless people, I just can’t stand this. I want to leave and just block everyone and hitchhike. I don’t care if I end up getting hurt or whatever, I can’t deal with this.

I genuinely can’t care. I can’t and if that makes me a bad person then so be it.