I can’t have sex and I feel devastated.

Hey, guys. Yesterday, it was my (26F) second time trying to have penetrative sex with a guy, and it didn’t work out. As soon as he inserted the tip of his penis, I was in immense pain.

The first time I tried to have sex with a guy was last year. I was a virgin, of course, and I was understandably nervous (plus, I had been diagnosed with anxiety when I was 12, so I guess that also plays a big role here). Anyway, he couldn’t penetrate me despite me being wet. And this will sound contradictory but, I wasn’t turned on.

I know what some of you must be thinking: “you might have vaginismus.” That’s what I thought too, so I booked an appointment with a gynecologist. She ran some tests and concluded that I didn’t have vaginismus, and most likely it was just anxiety or nervousness. She had told me to masturbate (w/ fingers) and see how far I could go. I tried several times until I could finally masturbate and not feel any kind of pain. I was happy.

Now I’ve been seeing this guy, Ian (fake name, 28). We recently started dating, after a year of friendship. I care for him SO MUCH, I swear you guys I feel at peace when I am with him. Yesterday, we tried to have penetrative sex and, as I stated previously, it hurt as hell. Again, not enough foreplay (I was trying to have some but he was rushing) and also he didn’t know very well how to touch me. I would guide him, but it still wasn’t good. I couldn’t help but cry on his chest; I was feeling terrible. He tried to calm me down, hugged me and reassured me that he had liked it anyway. Then I went to the bathroom and realised I was bleeding.

Today (this morning), we had some breakfast together and he was distant. He was on his phone all the time. That made me feel even worse, and now I’m at home, crying, and don’t know what to do. I am scared of trying again and failing AGAIN, and I don’t have enough money to pay for sex-therapy. Any personal stories? Any advice? Thank you so much for reading.