Forgot to wake up for my shift
My husband and I share the load of waking up with our 8 week old daughter. He takes first shift around 3:30am and I get her again around 6:30-7am. He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, so he's fine with it. I have been feeling depressed lately and haven't been sleeping great, falling asleep has been the hardest thing to do.
I've been taking Lexapro for 3 years already, and just started going to PPD/ PPA therapy 2 weeks ago.
I've been beating myself up this morning since I fell asleep asleep, and not just the light "on high alert" sleep I've been experiencing for the last two months. I heard my daughter wake up at 6:30am and thought it was the first time she had woken up since I had fallen asleep downstairs on the couch. I didn't hear my husband wake up the first time at 3:30 with her. I always have the baby monitor next to me when I don't sleep in our room with her so I can hear her wake up.
I've been experiencing immense guilt for not waking up in time during my turn, even though my husband was fine with it. He didn't get upset with me. But as I woke up to him making her a bottle, I had to pee. I realized I had started my period for the first time since giving birth to our girl. It's been a long time since I experienced the radical emotional rollercoaster of PMS emotions, but it hit me hard.
I've been feeling extraordinarily down for the past 3 mornings, like I've been drowning inside of my head. This is the same feeling I used to experience before that time of the month started. Since my hormones have already been out of whack since her birth (especially now starting birth control 3 weeks ago).
I just can't wait for everything to feel somewhat normal again.